I’m a bit down, for the usual reasons. It just hit me about a little while ago. I have felt it more in the last few weeks, but I kind of stuffed it inside of me, and with all that I had going on, I had no time to cry…until now.
As hard as I try to be patient, upbeat and enthusiastic to what prayerfully will come my way, not knowing what the future holds, what had already happened to me in the recent past, sends me into a tailspin again. The enemy is trying to make me more depressed. I am fighting it every day, but sometimes it starts to “leak out” and it finally did this afternoon.
**Switching gears for a moment here, but it blends in nicely**—I actually started a new Professional Page on Facebook, using my full name that one day, I hope to legally have. The page is under Jeannette (my adopted name) Elizabeth (my original birth name) Geist (my biological father’s last name = “spirit”) Marcelli (my adopted maiden name). The Page is something that the Lord wanted me to do, so I did it. I would have rather waited until my first book was actually published, but I got that “holy nudge” from Him a few days ago, so I got it done.
I know it is going to be a very “slow go” with people acknowledging and regularly visiting it, but you know what? That’s ok. It is all in God’s timing. My part, as Charles Stanley would say, is “to OBEY God, and leave the consequences to Him.”
I wanted to share today’s Streams in the Desert devotional in this blog post. It definitely hit home hard; another “God Wink”. The verse that was quoted is Isaiah 30:18– “And therefore will the LORD wait, that He may be gracious unto you…blessed are all they that wait for Him.”
For as long as we are waiting upon God, He’s been waiting longer for us; that is, to get things right, to get to the point in our lives where He CAN bless us with whatever it was we’ve been waiting for. Of course the writer sneaks in “it will give us unspeakable confidence that our waiting cannot be in vain.” That was the answer to the question I posed to Him late last week— “Lord, please remind me that all that I have done so far on this Journey, is not in vain”—while praying to the Lord about my ongoing “Season of Waiting”.
How about this part where the writer states, “…that even after I come and wait upon Him, He does NOT give the help I seek, but waits on longer and longer?”
The Lord obviously has way more patience than any of us would have in a thousand lifetimes. He knows not to “gather the fruit till it is ripe”. Whether we wait with expectancy and enthusiasm, or hold on for what seems like an eternity(but is it really?), not wanting it to be a moment longer, nevertheless, the Lord knows how long it needs be.
I end with the writer’s last thoughts on the subject, which encouraged me further: “Be assured that if God waits longer than you could wish, it is only to make the blessing doubly precious. God waited four thousand years, till the fullness of time, ere He sent His Son. Our times are in His Hands; He will avenge His elect speedily. He will make haste for our help, and not delay one hour too long.” —-Andrew Murray
I’ve been married twice—the first time, it was because I had a child out of wedlock, and we tried to do the “right thing” by getting married about four years into our relationship. It wasn’t the best of times, and even though I loved the fact that I was part of his big family, we were so not meant for each other. But it was hard to break away because I hated to be alone.
But this second marriage—there was I thought, something different and better about it. After all, he was a “Christian” and we had a lot in common, especially both of us being musicians. We met at church through a friend, and even though I was told over and over again by the Spirit to “WAIT, Jeannette, PLEASE wait”, I ignored those pleas. I soon found myself not only thrilled to have someone in my life again, but within TWO WEEKS, he asked me to marry him, and I said YES! And within four months to the day we met, we were married.
As crazy as that sounds, it happened just like that. The pastor of our church tried to have us wait a while, at least six months or so, until we got to know each other better. But we wouldn’t hear of it; we were determined to be with each other, for we felt that we knew what we were doing. Besides, neither one of us wanted to be ALONE anymore. He was by himself for quite some time, and so was I. We figured we’d be alright because we were Christians, and God would be happy with our current choice, rather than who we had in our past.
Husband Number Two wasn’t married before like I was. Personality-wise, he was the complete OPPOSITE of Number One. That was one of the main reasons I was attracted to him. I realize now that when the Holy Spirit told me to “WAIT”, oh my soul—I should have LISTENED!! There were many issues with Husband Number Two that slowly but surely came out over the next several years. We didn’t have any children, and now I am grateful for that. But out of those thirteen years with him, the latter SIX were some of the loneliest times I had out of married life.
More and more it proved to be I made yet another wrong life choice. Four years before the marriage finally ended, he left me, and for the next three months of my life, it was horrific. As bad as our marriage was at that point, I didn’t want it to end. All the arguments and fights, all the nights one of us would be sleeping on the couch (most of the time it was me—he wasn’t giving up the bed), I couldn’t stand the fact that I just may be ALL ALONE AGAIN. That thought haunted me every single day.
We finally got back together after those three months, but the next four years was more of the same—living as roommates, hardly any intimate time, and even though we moved a couple of times hoping the new scenery and areas would help our marriage, the fact of the matter was, WE weren’t meant to be together either.
Once again, God proved Himself right—if He wasn’t the One ordaining the marriage to begin with, it wasn’t going to last. Once again, I failed. Once again, I found myself alone, at least for a short time, and then I fell into my bad habit again of having someone else to fill the “loneliness” gap for another two years, until finally, the Lord put the “brakes” on back in 2016. Through natural and supernatural means (He is the Revealer of secrets—see Daniel 2:27-28, 47)—when He’s ready to tell us those secrets, He “lifts the veil”, and puts the pieces of the puzzle together—at least enough of it for the time, so we can understand what He’s trying to tell us. For me, I was reminded about WHY the Spirit tried to me make me WAIT on Him back in 2000, and NOT be with anyone else. I needed that time for GROWTH in Him, and in myself. I never gave myself a break since I was 20 years old; I always either dated, or was involved in a long term relationship.
But what the Lord wanted me to do almost three years ago, was to me, very frightening. Being ALONE, by myself, having NO man to go out to dinner with, to be intimate with (but intimacy doesn’t just mean jumping into bed with each other, folks!)—after all, I AM a human; I do desire LOVE, and romance. I am a VERY passionate person, and to be without someone all this time has been sometimes excruciating!! But after what the Lord explained to me just WHO that person was—the “clues” He gave to me years ago, that I just ignored, and never gave another thought to—the Lord was TRYING TO HELP me not suffer any more with having the wrong guy in my life, and I basically blew Him off!
“What the HECK was I thinking?!”, I said to Him after He not only finally divulged the “mystery” of what He told me back in 2000, but He said that no matter what, I needed TIME to heal, and to start living the LIFE He had intended me to live. He didn’t just give me the gifts of music and writing to push aside and never use again; He wanted me not just to survive in this world, but to THRIVE, and FLOURISH. But—the “deal” was, it had to be on HIS terms (that means, according to HIS Word), and in HIS timing of it all.
One of the “terms” was, just what I am doing now—telling others of the very costly LIFE mistakes I made, and hoping that by telling others, especially the younger generation, they will HEED my warnings, and not repeat what I’ve done!
Hence the other part of the “terms” He set forth—to write them down not only in my Journal, and a Blog, but a BOOK. Actually, a series of books, so others can learn from my mistakes, and make better decisions based on the Bible, and having a PERSONAL relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
As far as the music portion goes, He led me to a church where I am currently on the Worship Team, and the Worship Leader and I are also in another band that sings and plays classic rock and roll, just for fun. That’s a “God Wink” story for another time.
Being married was always HIS plan for my life—choosing who I wanted, ended up being MY plan, not His. I have “reaped” what I’ve sown all those years ago. The loneliness I’ve felt came in waves these past few years on this “Season of Waiting” Journey; sometimes I feel like I’m going to crash and drown. But then the Lord “shows up”, and as if I can feel His arms around me, He lets me know that I am NOT ALONE; that I AM loved; that I AM worthy of “that man”’s love—when it’s TIME for it; that I have so many things to learn yet, and to also share with others, while I’m still a “solitary”. Until that time comes for God to let “him” into my life, I have to learn to appreciate this time, try and enjoy the Journey, and realize that even though I am by myself right now (and for the LONGEST period of my life, I may add!), I am NEVER alone, for He is always here with me.
First off, I want to apologize for not being on here and blogging for the past two weeks—School was finishing up with finals, concert recitals, etc., and I also had to MOVE in the middle of all of that! I’ve been non-stop, even having to play out in a gig this past Friday at the last minute, and just in the past day or two, have finally slowed down enough to situate myself in my new living space, and just take a BREATH.
As far as my grades go, it looks like I’ll be getting a 4.0 for the first time in my college career! I’ve gotten close in years prior, but as hard as it’s been on many of my fellow classmates and I this semester, it’s actually paying off! I’m so stoked to be able to honor God with my excellent grades!
Now, about that title—I borrowed part of it from a song that I recently heard on the radio, which the Lord used not just once in the past two weeks, but TWICE😳✡️🌈, as a “God Wink” for me! I was reading one of my devotionals a little over a week ago, the Streams in the Desert, and remembered that was THE one that the Spirit lead me to taking the title of what will be my book series, and also, how this blog’s name came from.
The title of that devotional on May 1st was, “God Cannot Lie”. The Scripture verse was, “God that cannot lie, promised”, taken from Titus 1:2. As you read the devotional, it speaks of how FAITH is being exercised by believing that what God said would come to pass, is TRUE, and that it WILL, according to His timing and purpose of it all. The following quote that the author of the devotional uses, is where the Lord inspired me to get my title from—“FAITH, walking in the DARK with God, only prays Him to clasp its hand more closely.”—Phillips Brooks
I reflected back on these past two years, as I re-read that quote over and over again. It made me remember and realize that God has been moving mightily in my life every single day, and anywhere from one to several times a week, He’ll give me what has been coined by the Spirit to me, “supportive evidence” to prove to me, I’m on the right track, and to continue to WAIT on Him to bring me to the FRUITION of His intended Destiny for my life.
I absolutely LOVE the quote from the movie, “A League of Their Own”, when the announcer said at the end of the World Series game, “I’ve seen enough to know I’ve seen too much!” That’s how I feel by now—there is NO WAY after two plus years on this FAITH Journey, that I can deny God’s Hand in all of this—EVEN when it’s a song that “just so happens” to come on the radio, when I’ve been suddenly “led” to turn it on, and there it is!! NO ONE can tell me that God doesn’t move and do miracles in this day and age!! I’ll challenge ANYONE OUT THERE, to tell me different!! I’m talking to you BELIEVERS of God, NOT any unbeliever. Oh, I’d tell you the same, unbeliever, that God DOES do miracles today—2019, as He did thousands of years ago.
So those who name the name of Christ, and believe in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost (Spirit)—when God says that He cannot LIE, do you TRUST Him? Do you BELIEVE Him? He wouldn’t be God if He lied! How could anyone TRUST Him then? WHY would anyone trust Him?
After leaving the concert recital, not having anyone there for me, I felt a little down. Immediately I was wishing that the Lord would bring “that man” into my life, and let me get on living as a married person, instead of going through this desert “season” of dryness, and lovelessness. I don’t have my parents around anymore, who would always come to all my performances when I was singing, or in a play. I started to weep, and suddenly, the Spirit had me put on the radio, which I wasn’t really in the mood to do☹️😒, but wanting to be OBEDIENT and trusting, I went ahead. The radio station was still in their week of a “sharathon” mode, and to actually listen to a song at any given time, was a miracle in itself at that point🙄. Well, as God would have it✡️🌈, not only was there a song on the radio at the time, but it was Danny Gokey’s song, “Haven’t Seen it Yet”. It was about three-quarters of the way done, but with God’s perfect SOVEREIGN TIMING 😳 I heard from the bridge of the song, onward! Here are some of the lyrics written out, and then the rest in the pic: “He is moving with a LOVE so deep/Hallelujah for the victory/Good things are coming even when we can’t SEE/We can’t see it yet, but we BELIEVE that” (2x)
Let me tell you something, Naysayers—even people like Pilate and Judas Iscariot would have noticed God’s work in my life by now, if you don’t! I don’t say that to be rude or cruel, but SOMETHING has got to wake you all UP to SEE that God DOES work TODAY in people’s lives (“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”-Hebrews 13:8), but you have to “Call upon the LORD” (Ps.4:1; 17:6-9; 18:3; 50:15; Isa. 65:24; Jer. 33:3), and be serious and consistent in your prayers about it, in order to start SEEING the results! My “man” isn’t in my life—YET; I don’t have a decent job, or a place to call my own—YET! BUT GOD—do you see that??—But GOD “will (and HAS!) supply ALL my NEEDS, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19)! He’s been taking care of me every STEP of the way so far on this Journey! I’d be a FOOL to stop believing now! The “God Winks” that He has provided, has been astounding, and encouraging enough to keep me going, letting me know full well that “He that started a good work in you, will carry it on to completion(Phil. 1:6).”
EVERY TIME I stepped out in FAITH, the Lord God has responded in kind—giving me what He did with that song on the radio, for instance. I’m amazed more and more, especially with the EXACT TIMING of it all! Even where the song lyrics were at the time I was led to turn the radio on, makes it even more astounding! It’s as if God was using the song to “answer” the questions I was crying out to Him in those moments. ❤️✝️🙏🏼 It encouraged me so much. My situation hasn’t changed as yet, but He brought me once again to a place of PEACE and ASSURANCE that He IS “working all things together for good” (Rom. 8:28). God IS up to something good, and as always, I am willing to WAIT on Him to do all that He needs to do, in order to make it ALL “come to pass”(Ps. 37:5).
Taking God at His word is something you the reader, are going to hear me talk about over and over again, as well as OBEDIENCE to Him, and TRUSTING in His word. I wouldn’t have seen all the “God Winks” I’ve seen so far, and experienced His wonder working power in my life, if I haven’t been BELIEVING what His word says IS true!
The man I am waiting for, IS worth waiting for, because the Lord God has HIS Hand in it; I am working hard in school, to not only do well for myself and my future husband and family, but also because it brings God honor and glory. The more I hang onto God’s Word and have FAITH in it, even while still in the DARK about what God is ultimately going to do, WILL lead me finally to that Destination that God had for “him” and I all along, and for whatever ministry or ministries He puts us in.
Waiting patiently is just one of the STEPS I’ve had to do on this Journey. It hasn’t been easy, but the Lord has been faithful to show me encouraging SIGNS along the way, to make me realize that He IS “perfecting that which concerns me” (Ps. 138:8).” May you allow Him to do the same in your life. Be Blessed.